Whiskey, Poems and Bad Drawings: A Year in Review
A lot can happen in 31,536,000 seconds. Donald Trump was elected as the 45th president of the United States, the United Kingdom passed plans to leave the European Union (Brexit), and there has been a unlikely resurgence in Dr. Phil's popularity...How bout dat?
Now rewind to February 21st, 2016. I was sitting in bed sipping a glass of whiskey, discouraged by my lack of direction. It was a paralysis by analysis moment. What did I want? Do I really know what I enjoy anymore? How should I make the best use of my time when there are so many options?
For whatever reason, I picked up a pen and a black-canvas spiral notebook that I purchased at Walmart and started writing. The first passage stated:
Today is February 21st 2016; the start of something new. This is not a preface as there won't be a preface. Should this memoir, journal, book, piece of shit or whatever you want to call it get read by eyes other than mine, there won't be an introduction. So what's the point? Journalism? Self-expression? The truth is, I don't know, however, a year from now I will. Every day will be a new entry as raw as the emotions that inspired it. Whether it be a picture, poem or doodle, I intend to let my mood and emotions reveal themselves through this journey. See how I grow, as we all do, over the course of a year. Maybe I'll look back through these pages and find a multi-million dollar entrepreneurial idea, or maybe it'll be a massive collection of terrible drawings and piss-poor hand writing. We'll have to wait and see. The one thing I do know is that if I don't know what this book will contain before writing it, you shouldn't know before reading it!
Mood: Anxious
And so it began. I wasn't sure what I intended to gain from this then, but clarity would be the answer. The first couple passages started with a dated writing, drawing, or poem, and in the bottom-left hand corner I would note my mood. I went from anxious to tired to hungry, and I'll stop there.
The 23rd was when the direction shifted from terrible drawings to definitive progress. I was hungry, but not in the physical sense. I was metaphorically hungry for one thing, and that was to find my passion again. It shined through in a poem I wrote titled: 01010000 01100001 01110011 01110011 01101001 01101111 01101110. This translates to "Passion" in binary and ultimately materialized to one of my favorite tattoos that I have. The poem illustrated feelings that I couldn't come to admit not on paper:
How can you tell when you lose it?
It's on me, it's in me,
But only sometimes.
Many of it's strongest fits have faded with the situation.
The faintest breeze of change for better doesn't replace the sentiment.
In ways, though, it may.
Stronger though I may not feel it,
Smarter as told but wiser for not believing it,
But bring back the piece of my puzzle, and magic will ensue.
I want the fire rekindled,
Because Passion Warrants Progress
Mood: Hungry
That was the jolt I needed. Reflecting on this poem I had written in a fatigued state minutes before falling asleep opened my eyes to something so obvious. I needed to find my passion again and the direction would come naturally.
The next handful of writings were as scatterbrained as they come. A wireframe for a website called Journey.com which would aggregate top news from niche journalism sources. A list of every place I've traveled to and those that I wish to see. Bulleted lists of potential street art tags (inspired by Exit Through the Gift Shop, an incredible Banksy Film documenting street art). Nothing really stuck until May 4th, but the impact was immediate.
Skimming through my relatively barren bookshelf while cleaning my room, I came across a book I had purchased awhile back, Everybody Writes. I picked it up and started flipping through the pages and was immediately hooked. The first few chapters were a breeze as the book was so captivating. Nearly half of it was complete before I fell asleep. The turning point for me though wasn't until the following day. When attempting to explain helpful tips from the book, I found myself at an impasse. I could remember the concepts but I couldn't recall individual tactics from the reading. I had experienced a similar issue in college.
Having ADHD has always made it difficult for me to recall information easily, particularly when reading. I enjoyed Everybody Writes a lot, but instantly became frustrated by my inability to recall the information. When I returned home that night, I started the book over, this time reading all the way through to the end. However, unlike the time before, I outlined all the key points from each chapter by hand in my notebook. I had, in theory, created my own personal SparkNotes on the book. It was perfect (for the 1% of people that could read my illegible hand writing).
Seeing as how I typically only read non-fiction business books, I felt the need to have these learnings accessible at all times. So the patterned continued. With each book I read, I got better in my job, my organizational skills improved and most importantly I was passionate about learning again. Each publication suggested more resources to fuel this fire. Before I knew it, my bookshelf was full with topics ranging from marketing to psychology and sales to body language. The thirst for knowledge was surreal.
Between May and February I proceeded to read 23 new books, each of which was outlined in my notebook. From these books I've not only gained knowledge and regained my passion for learning, but it has led me down life paths I had never before considered. It has helped to improve my public speaking, sharpen my Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, organize my life and most importantly to appreciate the little things.
Looking back on the past year, I can safely say that this is one of the last things I expected this journal to be. Honestly, I'm surprised I stuck with it. However, I couldn't be more thankful that a pen and and paper could help me regain my passion for learning and lead me on such an amazing journey.
Current Mood: Thankful